Priceless
by Annuette-anon
Summary: Spike and Xander...prank wars and hormones. Written for a prompt on lj by Apsik.


Disclaimer: These characters do not belong to me, they belong to their respective owners. No copyright infringement is intended.

It started with a comment here, a snipe there but it didn't take long until it escalated into a full-blown war-much to Giles despair. They often see him polishing his glasses amidst the chaos or taking care when walking around his house, but Spike and Xander are too enamoured with being the victor that neither pay attention to him. The Watcher's house now looks like several Fryal demons have taken up residence and Giles himself is close to breaking point; Spike and Xander's jokes, have grown into a prank war from which all the other Scoobies were staying well back. Only Giles is caught in the crossfire, which he doesn't appreciate especially when his house and sanity bears the brunt of it.

The Watcher isn't stupid, nor is he as blind as his charges believe; he can see the driving forces behind the prank War, the boredom the two now share. Xander having endless unfulfilling jobs and Spike, being well Spike, chipped and without anything to do. All that free time and left to their own devices…Giles should have seen it coming. It is just a shame it was too late, or is it?

Giles smirks, a strangely Ripperish smirk which grew as the idea outlines in his head; the way to end the pranks, secure his sanity and give both Spike and Xander something to do.

Xander groans as he kneads his cramping muscles; a scowl ingrained on his face as he surveys his empty answerphone. Ever since he and Spike have started getting on at each other his friends have suddenly become unavailable; he isn't sure if it was that they are afraid they'll get the backlash of one of Spike's pranks or that Xander will try to convince them to help him out. Buffy has muttered something about training and dragged Riley off with her whilst Willow has declared herself neutral and added with a blush that she was busy with Wicca stuff anyway. Which only leaves Giles who Xander thinks is slowly loosing it, having accidentally been caught in the backlash of the jokes himself.

Xander isn't sure how they've gone from bantering, to jokes and finally to pranks but somehow amongst the tension they have. Now Xander isn't even sure who'd started it, he just wants to be the one to finish it. The young man has to admit he enjoys warring like this with Spike as much as he enjoys bantering with him; Xander has gown very restless of late and the Vampire's attitude and insight have been a welcome distraction. Not that he'll ever tell Spike that. Not that he'll ever let the blond vampire know that he enjoys his company or that he considers him to be a friend. Or maybe just close to, after all you don't lust after your friends do you? You don't sit there hypnotised by their lips as they smoke and swear. And you definitely don't eye up their ass and package, even if they are encased in tight, tight jeans. No sirree, Xander knows you don't think that way about friends.

Shrugging off his clothes, Xander fails to notice his basement window is now slightly ajar or that there's a distinct anticipation in the air as if someone is waiting for something. Then again he doesn't notice the smirking blond Vampire that's hidden behind the bathroom door as he enters. Xander shrugs off his shirt not noticing the eyes that watch his reflection in the mirror, the same mirror that won't give away the hidden Vampire.

Setting the shower to heat up (it takes ages since he parents are too cheap to get it maintained properly), Xander cleans his teeth grinning as it brings up the fond memory of one of his recent pranks. Swapping Spike's blood for the joke shop variety had Xander in stitches, especially when the Vampire had heated it up and taken a huge swig. Xander had only laughed the harder when he'd caught Spike ferociously cleaning his teeth and gargling with mouthwash. The devilish gleam in the blond's eye should have warned him that Spike wouldn't take it lying down. Xander rinses his mouth grimacing as he remembers the payback; he hadn't know laxatives could be flavourless or that you could put them in milk but for three days afterwards the whole school knew Xander as butt burn boy.

Xander shrugs out of his jeans, letting them puddle around his ankles; he doesn't see blue eyes widening in appreciation as he bends down to discard them or the lustful smirk that plays on Spike's lips. The nickname had reached Spike's ears and the Vampire almost pissed himself laughing, making matter worse by taunting Xander with the name. That called for special measures. Xander had worked Spike up so much over the nickname that Giles had declared Xander to go home and sulk and Spike to be chained in the tub as punishment. The Vampire had sulked but relented when Giles had offered to bring in the telly. Anything to stop that 'god-forsaken mayhem.'

Neither had seen the smirk on Giles face as the Watcher pretended to ignore the obviously tampered with handcuffs, but it had been there. The swear words Spike had used come nightfall were music to Xander's ears; the boy had come back bang on sunset to hear the curses and Spike hadn't failed him. Taunting the completely bound Vampire had been worth it at the time, especially since the cuffs held for well over twenty-four hours.

Spike had taken revenge to the next level though; ringing up Xander's parents to ask whether their son intended to renew his subscription to Gay Mans Monthly. Xander blushes deeply at the memory; luckily his parents are now more happy drunks then rowdy having switched their poison; being sat down as though your twelve again and being lectured on the applications of lube and the uses of protection was something Xander had no intention of ever relieving. He cringes just thinking about it and drops his boxers stroking his half-hard length. Not that he hasn't considered the idea, he has. Has fantasised about doing it with Spike but hearing his mother say the word rimming…Xander shudders, he'd much rather imagine doing it.

The recent pranks are becoming more and more thought out, more imaginative as time goes by and Xander is on edge waiting for the punishment from his last one. Testing the water temperature, he climbs in letting the hot water stream over cleansing his skin. All the while his thoughts are centred on his latest prank; finding Spike's duster whilst the Vampire showered had been a stroke of luck and it had taken Xander only a few minutes to put the prank in action. The young man had borrowed Giles holy water supply and dipped each of Spike's cigarette butts in holy water before replacing them in the carton. Then he'd grabbed the Vampire's spare stash and dashed outside to hide it in Giles car. When his shower had finished Spike had given him a decidedly suspicious look but Xander had maintained an innocent one in response. Which had been damn hard given that the Vampire had been half-naked at the time. 

Absentmindedly Xander soaps himself not noticing the soap isn't his usual and is turning his skin an interesting shade. It's only when he rinses and steps out from the shower, pulling a towel around his hips that Spike lets his presence know.

"Hello pet," Spike grins at the frozen figure before him, his eyes appraising the body before him, "Nice body Harris, but I have to say your looking a mite blue there."

Xander unfreezes enough to glance at the mirror; his mouth drops open in shock, his eyes bulging as he see the bright blue sheen that covers his body. Clenching his fists he turns back to the laughing Vampire, who is backing out of the bathroom as quickly as possible whilst Xander advances.

"Spike!"

Giles rolls his eyes closing the basement door quietly on the two and sighing deeply in relief. His instincts were right after all and visiting Xander today had been, well bloody well eye opening. Congratulating himself he consults his mental to do list.

1. Keep everyone away from Spike and Xander- well worth the lonely torment Giles has been through with the pranks.

2. Step the pranks up a pace, adding the Giles touch-well worth the residual damage to his house.

3. Get Spike out the house and staying with Xander for a change-well worth almost losing his sanity

4. Catching said couple trying to play naked twister-priceless.


End file.
